Where do you go when the sirens go off?
Julia celebrated her 25th birthday a few days after the Russian invasion of Ukraine began. After leaving Kyiv the night before ballistic missiles had started flying, she returned to her home, Bila Tserkva, a city 80 km south of the Ukrainian capital, to be with her family. Her father volunteers in the territorial defence, her mother looks after her grandmother who is bedridden due to three strokes, making Julia the sole breadwinner. On the 2nd of March, Daniel spoke with her over the phone.
Julia by Daniel, Vienna, September 2021
Daniel: What’s the atmosphere like where you are now?
Julia: Currently everything is okay. A ballistic missile took down a school, a supermarket, and a dormitory the other day. No one goes out. It is silent until the sirens go off, which they do around 6 or 7 times a day.
Where do you go when the sirens go off?
We just stay in the apartment on the first floor. As I told you, my grandmother is bed ridden and debilitated after three strokes so we can’t leave her and it would take her a while to get her up to put clothes on. That’s why we’re just together in one room.
Are you scared?
Not really. Right now, I’m angry and petrified. Petrified for my country and the people that are fighting. In the current situation, I understand that I’m relatively lucky because compared to what is going on in Kharkiv we are in a relatively good situation.
I still have all my things in Kyiv. I know it’s weird to be worried about that stuff but I have my two cameras there and my MacBook, I’d been saving up for those a lot, I was only going to go back for two days. I thought about going back, but right now I have to be happy about being alive and still having my home.
How’s your family?
At first, they started crying, especially my grandma. She has survived the Second World War, the Soviet Union, the collapse of the Soviet Union, the pandemic and three strokes and at the end of her life this. My stepfather is currently in the voluntary territorial defence looking out for Russians. I’m worried about him very much.
Have you ever considered leaving the country?
As for now, I’m the only breadwinner in my family because I have the opportunity to work remotely. I try my best to keep holding up and concentrate on work. Some of my friends have left Ukraine, and they cannot eat or sleep properly. They are worried about their families and friends. I don’t think being a refugee will help me a lot.
Our lives have been divided into two parts: before war and after war. It made me review my life values. Right now, I realise how lucky I am to be born in a country where I can speak my mind and am not living in a totalitarian state.
Sorry, I’m really exhausted. I only sleep about 5 hours a day because of sirens and worry. You sleep two hours and then wake up and read the news from around Ukraine. I’ve been working the entire 6 days because some of my colleagues are in bomb shelters, and we’ve been trying to cover up all the work. So, I’ve worked every day.
What are your thoughts when you think of the future?
First day it happened, I was too stressed to think, I was just scared. Now, I think that Ukraine will win. Of course, we will all have to pay a big price for that by the lives of our citizens, but currently we have territorial defence groups. If you are a civilian and you want to protect your city you can go and they’ll give you a weapon. There are checkpoints in every city, every village, the people are resisting by stopping tanks and confronting soldiers, they are not afraid to die. Currently, there is a huge partisan war in Ukraine against Russians. And Russians don’t know what they are fighting for.
We are protecting our home; our motherland and we are angry and furious. Every territorial defence has Molotov cocktails, weapons. I have two Molotov cocktails in my apartment; we are told on television how to make them. We are going to destroy them.
What are you doing with your nights?
Same thing I did the past nights. Checking the news and calling with friends to make sure they’re alright. I have a friend in Kramatorsk, yesterday she saw a missile flying over her house. She thought she was going to die as they went down to the bomb shelter. She has already experienced this because she was there in 2014 when Russian separatists took over the city. She’s living through it again.
I don’t think Putin is going to stop. He’s going to destroy everything. But Ukrainians will never be under Russia. I just want to live under a peaceful sky.
