“I feel like a ghost.” – Fleeing Ukraine
It’s been a month since I last spoke to Julia and over a month since the war began. A lot has changed. Julia left Ukraine and has been living in Prague with a friend for the past two weeks, she tells me as we catch up in a small beer hall in the inner part of the city. As we speak her phone keeps ringing with alerts, she explains that she is using an App called Kyiv Tsyfrovyi that notifies her when an air raid is incoming. It shows a detailed history of previous raids in any given location. Red means it went ahead whilst green means it was called off. Julia has hers set to her hometown of Bila Tserkva located 80km south of Kyiv.
Notifications from the app Kyiv Tsyfrovyi
Daniel: How did you come to leave Ukraine?
Julia: I didn’t want to leave, but it became too dangerous in my city and there was the last evacuating bus for the border. My family were saying “do it for us”, and I thought if we lost the internet access then I wouldn’t be able to work and provide money for my family. I felt some resentment being forced to leave but I slept on it and decided it was for the best.
I took a bus that went through the green (safe) corridor – it cost around 300 euros to get to the border. There was a police car in front of us and 5 buses, each driver with a weapon. I spent the whole night at the border with snow, crying infants and dogs barking. It was a nightmare. I had a classmate living in Prague and her husband’s parents didn’t live too far from the border, so I stayed with them for a couple of days. Then the husband drove me to Krakow, and I was picked up there by my friend who I’m staying in Prague with now.
What were you feeling when you left Ukraine?
Julia by Daniel Harper, Prague, 2022
When I left, I was petrified. Even though we were using a safe travel corridor, we could still hear the sirens. I saw some civilian cars which were damaged from bullets, I saw corpses, too. There was smoke in the the distance, I didn’t know what was happening there. When I was in Poland I was in a big shock. I felt safe, but I was devastated at the same time. I saw Erasmus students drinking and having fun in a bar in Krakow and I just started sobbing. I can’t blame people for having fun. But it’s hard to realise that life goes on while 300 km away people are dying and hiding from bombs. I started to cry right then and there in that bar.
How has your time in Prague been?
It’s great but I feel neither happiness nor sadness. I’m just empty because I don’t know when I will be able to return and whether I will have a place to return to. I just feel like a ghost.
I realise that I’m lucky as some people I know have had the worst time here. I met a woman who had lived in Kyiv before, but her parents and her 9-year-old son are in Melitopol which is occupied by Russia. This woman managed to escape but she’s terrified about what’s going to happen. She came to Prague to get some money to send to them in Ukraine. She ended up giving the last of her money to this man who offered her a place to stay in return for cleaning and cooking for him. After she gave the money for 3 months’ rent, he kicked her out. She couldn’t do anything because she was not in a contract with the man and she speaks no Czech or English so she couldn’t explain it to the police.
How do you feel about your future?
Currently, I have no ambitions or plans because all my thoughts are with my friends and family who are still there. Right now, I’m just existing, I’m not living.
Julia by Daniel Harper, Prague, 2022
